The Science to Say “NO”
Why is it so difficult to say no?
However, those which already experimenter these feelings know that to not say is not always easy. Most of the time, to answer by the affirmative is much easier, and especially much less alarming. It is well for fear one speaks. It is often the fear which blocks us, and prevents us from posing our limits.
- Fear of being judged:
Some consider that to say not is equivalent to a consent of weakness, and they are afraid to be judged consequently. If I refuse to take this additional file, I will pass for lazy,and good-bye my promotion. If I refuse to go to this evening, I will pass for a kill-joy.
- Fear of the conflicts:
While saying not, some have the impression to hold head with their interlocutor. They then prefer to say yes, with the proviso of avoiding the troubles at all costs.
- Fear of wounding:
To wipe a refusal is not always pleasant. Consequently, it arrives at some of saying yes with an only aim of not disappointing their interlocutor. Those in this case are resigned to saying yes because they are estimated responsible for the disappointment of the other.
- Fear of disappointing:
Some think absolutely essential, and are considered extravagant obligations towards the others. It is the case of that which does not miss any evening because “without me, they will not have fun as much”.
Benefit of no
Most of the time, these fears are irrational, and are the reflection of a problem of assertion of oneself. However, used with parsimony, not can be very beneficial.
- To save time: If you refuse with your owner the tasks which do not return to you, if you refuse to return to you to one evening which does not interest you, you release from the spare time, and are a little a more Master of your timetable. I am sure that you would not be against one or two hour free in from time to time, if?
- To be in agreement with oneself even: If you learn how to affirm your preferences, to refuse what is not appropriate to you, you will smell yourselves much more comfortable mentally. You will avoid thus the problems of frustration related to the lack of assertion of oneself.
- To give value to yes: If you accept all that one asks you, but shown unwillingness, you will not be regarded as somebody of confidence. On the other hand, if you can say not when something is not appropriate to you, the others will know that you are perfectly frank when you say yes.
- To affirm its personality: By affirming your preferences frankly, you will help the others to determine your personality. Noticed as some never give their opinion? And as these people are painful, without personality? While learning how to say not, you will become less “fuzzy”, surface, and will gain in charisma.
How to say not?
- Want will know what you:
It sometimes happen to custom to accept year invitation before knowing yew we wish to really to return custom there. This is not that later, too late, that the frustration to not to have come known to say not. The first thing to Be made, it is of knowing what you want. Yew you hesitate over the answer to give to has request, take time of y to reflect suitably. Have long ace you will balances between two choices, you will not Be whitebait to determine which is the answer which will Be appropriate to you. When you find your problems of ambivalence, pass to the stage following. Sometimes, your interlocutor will press you to obtain has fast answer. Do not hesitate not to temporize by explaining that you need give reflexion to him has viable answer. Specify final At which precise time your decision will Be available, which will help it to cuts patience. Yew one requires to you year immediate answer, affirm that you C not cuts all the elements to give it, and that any assertion of your share will not Be whitebait that to be random and approximate.
- Known as not:
Now that you know that you must answer by the negative one, and, made well it. Simple “not, I am sorry” will be enough for the moment. That will make it possible to your interlocutor to take note of your refusal. Be frank, precise and direct. You refuse, make the knowledge, and especially made include/understand it. You do not embark in sentences of the kind “Oh… You include/understand… that will not be practical… “. Do not be either aggressive! Even if your owner you extra work, it does not make it inevitably to harm to you personally, and it is not supposed knowledge which your timetable is already filled. Satisfy to express itself clearly and simply your will.
- Explain why:
Since you know why you say not, and well explain it. After all, nobody knows what you think. Give objective reasons which will make it possible to your interlocutor to understand that your refusal is justified by valid reasons. Explain your point of view by using it “I”. Do not say “you give me too much work”, but “I will not have time to do all the work that you give me”.
- Express your feeling
Explain what you feel in front of this situation, to help the interlocutor to include/understand your position, and to realize of the validity of your explanations. The fact of expressing your feelings makes it possible to attenuate the shock of the refusal, which will help the other to accept it.
- Seek a solution:
Propose a solution with your interlocutor to regulate the problem, in order to manage an agreement. For example, if you refuse to go to one evening, propose to come to the next one. If you must refuse a meeting, explain that in the event of urgent question, you will be reachable with the telephone. Explain which will be the benefit commune run that each one among you will be able to gain thanks to this agreement.