7 ways of Finding Subjects for Conversation
Posted on November 9, 2007
Filed Under Communication, Psychology, Personal Development
When listening is not enough
As most attentive among you will have pointed out it to me, certain situations are incompatible with the technique of the active listening, which gives bad results then, or cannot be applied quite simply any more. The first weakness of this method, it is that it supposes a low number of
participants in the conversation, i.e. not more than two or three. Indeed, if you maintain somebody at the head with head, it is easy to leave him the privilege be expressed by holding the role of listener to you. On the other hand, in a fashionable conversation bringing into play more than 4 people, dynamics is not the same one, and rests more on fast exchanges than on the speech of only one person. The speaking time assigned to each one tends to shorten, and it is consequently more difficult to tackle personal questions. The second case in which the first article does not apply, it is when your turn has just spoken. And yes, it is quite beautiful to listen, but will come well a moment or you will have to be expressed. When your interlocutor is as timid as you, for example. Or if it reads same the blog as you. If each one listens to the other, one will not leave oneself there. Here 7 methods to shine in a conversation:
1) Start with the great classic
To use a subject pass key is always a good starting point. After all, perhaps that your interlocutor is as lost as you, and the memory grows to find something with saying. While starting with a banality, you are sure that somebody will be able to rebound. Moreover, if you do not know those to which you address yourselves, you do not know a priori which are their centers of interests. While starting by evoking the good weather, you will be able to take the temperature of the group. With chance, you will fall on a meteorologist who will launch out on a thesis relating to the anticyclones and the draughts hot.
Here some basic subjects to use:
- Weather
- The policy
- The sport
- News
- The cinema
2) Identifier what interests the others
Be enough observant to discover which will be the subjects which will interest everyone. In general, the groups are not formed by chance, there are often common points between its various members. Once that you identified these affinities, launch a question to the round in connection with a subject which relates to the whole of the group. Here some points which you can consider to determine the tendency of a group:
The sex: Is the group mixed? mainly male? female? If the distribution of the sex in the group is balanced, the conversation will relate to more general subjects. If one of both kind is very mainly represented, certain “typical” subjects more (the other sex, the sport, cars, the job, the family, relations interpersonal, etc.) will be surely approached.
The age: Have business with a band of young people? With do a group of old man croutons? There still, as the centers of interests, the preferred subjects differ according
to the age. I remember one time or I was very carried on the plays videos, whereas today I insane of the new consoles like my first eye. It is quite obvious that you will not be able to ask for news on the mumps of the small last if the average age is 17 years. With you to adapt you.
The social and economic category: Discreetly examine clothing, the vocabulary, the posture, the hairstyles of your interlocutors, and try to deduce their socio-professional category from it. Do not speak about fusions of SME if you address yourselves to a group of workmen.
Political and religious convictions: Attention, danger! Prevent tackling the subject if you do not know who thinks what. People are often very attached to their convictions, and you will quickly have made comments a blunder if you do not take guard there.
3) Be cultivated
A priori, in a conversation, one can never know in advance which subjects will be tackled. Who never had the surprise, after one moment of carelessness, to note that one discusses sexuality of the drosophilas ardently whereas there is few seconds hardly, you deplore the rise in the price of the Gruyere? The best means of remaining in the conversation, it is to have culture. One can develop the subjects only one does not control, unless passing for the heavy pretentious one who know nothing there. If you are cultivated, if you know all about all, you will have always information to add to the debate, you will be able to rebound on an assertion to correct it or supplement it, you will be able to answer the put questions, in short! you will have something to say, which normally is what you seek, if you read this article. Certain subjects return more often than from others (the great classic). Subscribe with specialized reviews, and traverse them regularly. You do not satisfy to look at the JT, to know what everyone knows, it is nothing to know. Hold with the current of the topicality scientific and political, it is an excellent means of having anecdotes interesting to tell. If the conversation relates to a subject which you do not control, you can also play the naive one. Claim that you are interested, but that you there do not know large thing, and put technical and precise questions. If your interlocutor know his field, it will be found in the center of the conversation, and all his attention will grant to you to satisfy your curiosity. It will be with you to draw advantage from it while not letting become exhausted the subject. If you are a specialist in certain fields, they will be perhaps even you whom one will question. Do not be afraid to annoy people in their speaking about the technical subjects which hold you with heart. If they raise the question, it is that that interests them. But do not hesitate to bring to you to the level your interlocutors, are comprehensible, popularize. And especially, be impassioned.
4) Tell anecdotes
Nothing of such as a small anecdote or a parabole to illustrate and spice the conversation. During the debate, do not hesitate to launch “Ca points out the time to me or…” or one “It is like the history of this type which…” before connecting on a small history in connection with the subject. It is an excellent means of collecting the attention, and especially of retaining it during a time. If you can tell well, nobody will stop you, and that which will be risked there will make give to its place illico-presto. Several precautions to be taken however. Initially, your history should not fall like a hair on soup, remains in connection with the subject, and brings something of concrete to the conversation. Your anecdote should not be too long. Do not forget only while you tell it, you hold the exclusive monopoly of the word. If you preserve it too a long time, you will end up wearying, to even irritate. Be courteous: a conversation is an exchange, then do not steal the turn of the neighbor. If possible, try to use only veracious stories. They will have more weight, and especially, you are less likely to muddle you by telling them. If you invent, do not lie when with the veracity of your words, and if one questions you, take a mysterious air, that will pass for humor.
5) Have humor
Rather what an anecdote, why not tell a good joke to slacken the atmosphere? In this case, you in the same way will monopolize the attention of the public during a few seconds. It will be with you, and only with you of speaking. Note that the precautions indicated just to the top also apply in this case: remain in the subject, and do not be too long. Also take guard with the fact that the funny stories are potentially wounding if they bring into play members of minorities (Belgians, blondes, Jews, blacks, etc.) Note that you will be able to never make larger bide than by forgetting the end of a history, then are sure of your memory. And be original. Certain stories were already heard
many and many times, try to leave the batch. There are good dictionaries of funny stories, do not hesitate to document you. In addition, according to your public and of the current subject for conversation, a funny story will not be inevitably not perceived well. Certain stories are more “fine” that others, and will be accepted better according to the circumstances. Will be able to adapt, and not to go too far. And especially, especially, especially… Will be able to tell! It is nothing more painful, nothing more tedious, nothing more pathetic than somebody who cannot tell the funny stories. If you are not able to play a part, to give life to your history, from grace, by pity, abstain! To tell a joke is a serious business. Separately the funny stories, you can also allow you to stop your interlocutor to place a pun, a pun, etc. But humor is not improvised. If you are not sure you, better is worth to await to have acquired a little drive.
6) Speak about you
Since it is absolutely necessary to speak, and well why not to tackle the subject which you know best, namely you? Speak about your life, your feelings, your opinions, of your emotions. An excellent means of involving your small person in the conversation, it is to start by expressing your opinion. You opinions, isn’t this has? Why not to rebound on a subject by beginning your sentence with “I think that”, “A my opinion”, “It seems to me that”, etc. Deliver your opinion, explain what you think, make share of your personal opinions (what of course supposes that you have personal opinions)… The advantage, by expressing what you think, it is that you prove quite simply that you are able to think. If you proceed with sufficient tact, to spread out your point of view will do an intelligent and cultivated air. Attention however not to tell all and anything. Select your ideas carefully, and if you do not feel able to defend them, abstain. If the majority of the group shares your opinions, you will not have a problem, but in the contrary case, be ready to engage you in a verbal tournament. Do not be either at 100% categorical, grant a margin of error, and agree to mislead you. You will have the less stupid air if somebody shows you that you are wrong.
7) A little conviction
If you want to be certain that the others consider you charismatic, if you wish that they find you glibness, even start with being convinced of it you. Knew that the opinion that the others of you have is not never but the reflection of what you think of yourself? If you start to speak by looking at your feet, if you ask somebody while murmuring in your barb, nobody will listen to you, and you will not be able to finish the least sentence of more than three words without being stopped. Never you will arouse the interest among your interlocutors if they do not even hear you. Never you will be able to rejoin them with your ideas if you do not have the air you same convinced. It will be necessary that you know what you want. If you wish to really address to a person, then made. Look at it, call it by its name, and speak high and strong (except if you are with the cinema). If you want that you are listened to, why do you discuss with the ground? A good speaker must know to collect the attention of his public. Among the elements most important to take into account, one finds the glance and the stamp of voice. On the one hand, force to be maintained a contact ocular with your interlocutors, and on the other hand speak distinctly, with a volume sufficient to be able to be heard without effort, but without howling.
To finish
With all that, you have good bases to launch you in conversations to broken sticks. Do not think however that you will become a frightening verbal swashbuckler of the day at the following day. It is something which requires a little drive, if you put yours at it, you will see very quickly to appear the first progress. And if you know other methods of which I would not have thought, do not hesitate to make some profit the buddies by leaving a comment.
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