Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ as it is commonly called) is the capability to recognize your emotions, understand what they’re telling you, and understand how your emotions affect people around you. Emotional intelligence also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively.

People with high emotional intelligence have a much better chance of becoming successful in life, regardless of their IQ. This article will teach you how to improve emotional intelligence. Once you’re through reading, you’ll have a better grasp of your emotions.

1. Being aware of your emotions is the single most important step you can take towards change. Work out one area in your emotions that you want to work on. Let’s say you want to navigate the feelings of anger that you experience. Notice that I say navigate and not control. Control may mean that the anger simply simmers under the surface, only to rise again at a most inappropriate moment. Think about the feeling of anger now while you are calm.

2. Focus on the feeling not the event. When you feel like blaming somebody, ask yourself whether what they’ve done justifies the way you’re feeling. Be honest with yourself about whether you’re over-reacting. Save yourself time and effort by not laying blame at all. Focus instead on the bad feeling, and work at making it feel better.

3. Look at your work environment. Do you seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn’t mean that you’re shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine - put the focus on them, and don’t worry too much about getting praise for yourself.

4. Do a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you’re not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly - it can change your life.

5. Respect. Respect is not just a seven-letter word in your dictionary. It’s a principle you live by. In order to learn how to improve emotional intelligence, you first have to exercise respect for other people’s emotions.

When one of your co-workers gets emotional about a personal or professional problem, don’t just disregard that person’s emotions. Don’t start playing loud music just to distract yourself or don’t be insensitive to what is going on around you. Instead, give that person your respect through a moment of silence or a look of empathy.

6. Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone’s feelings, apologize directly – don’t ignore what you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.

8. Think about how you think about it. You can help your feelings. You may or may not be able to affect what happens, but you can always affect the way you frame it in your mind. This will affect how you feel about it. Saying “That moron really upset me,” is likely to push your feelings into anger, unhappiness, and feelings of loss of control. Saying instead “It was difficult for us both, and it’s still not sorted,” leaves the way open for further thought and discussion.

9. Be realistic. When you’re told to be realistic, it usually means the other person thinks your expectations are too high. But ask yourself if your expectations are too low. Do you avoid testing situations that you could probably tackle perfectly well, because the possibility of failure is unbearable. This often happens with public speaking. The fearful person imagines the derision of the audience, and that imagination is enough to stop them trying.

10. Ear of your heart. When someone tells you to listen with the ear of your heart, it means to show compassion and respect to what other people are telling you. Don’t talk too much or interrupt someone who’s sharing something about themselves.